Just when it seems that things between me and my husband get better, I start Getting doubts and questions in my head that wasn't there before. Thoughts and doubts that make me want to give up on the progress I am doing. I'm starting to not feel so overwhelmed with everything; work, family, school. Life. I made a to get done list and sticking to it. I am seeing progress. However now Chuck is starting to feel it. Be has taken over the bills and all the money. He is now fighting his depression. I turn makes me want to go back to what I was doing and that is to avoid and hide. I know I can't do that anymore nor do I want to. I and feeling better about myself but I know I have a long way to go.
Life goes by too fast and we often look for quick and fast ways to do things. Turn around and we see that everything else has changed. I want to talk about my fight with depression, overweight, teaching special needs, ways to do things such as canning, crafting, parenting, grandparenting, trying to do things as natural, but as safe as possible. Coupon hints, money saving strategies, food preparations, Whatever else I can come up with.
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Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Friday, June 3, 2016
Today, about all day, I worked in the spare bedroom, picking up, sorting and finding things I had forgotten even existed.
I feel like I've made progress in dealing with my anxiety and depression. I was able to tell my husband about a payment coming due and told him about the Girl Scout Camp I was offered to work for. However, he told me his thoughts and feelings about the Camp, so I had to email them back to tell them that I had to turn it down. The pay is not very much, but I would be gone for a total of 6 weeks this summer. Home on the weekends.
With our situation, it probably is not a good idea for me to go. I do feel some relieve though having done some progress.
While I was working in the bedroom, I was playing Air1 Radio, a Christian radio on my phone. A son played that I felt like matched my situation, "While you are feeling pressure, God is creating a diamond." Oh, how correct. I loved that. I'm going to have to find it on Google Play.
Now, time for supper, I put a freezer meal in late this morning, pepper steak. I am going to serve it over mashed potatoes, which I've got to get pealed and start cooking.
My plans for after supper, read "The Help". I watched the mini-series "Roots" this week. Wow! I forgot how wonderful it was. I want to read that book, but I know I'll never get through it in the summer, which is the only time I've got to do some reading for fun.
Tomorrow we may have plans to go to Illinois to Fort De Chartres. I love that place. It is the Spring Fort weekend. If the roads are not flooded, we will probably go. If the roads are flooded, then we'll just find something else to do for the day. We have been home about every day this week, except for Thursday, but we done what we had to to do and came home. We really don't get out much.
I feel like I've made progress in dealing with my anxiety and depression. I was able to tell my husband about a payment coming due and told him about the Girl Scout Camp I was offered to work for. However, he told me his thoughts and feelings about the Camp, so I had to email them back to tell them that I had to turn it down. The pay is not very much, but I would be gone for a total of 6 weeks this summer. Home on the weekends.
With our situation, it probably is not a good idea for me to go. I do feel some relieve though having done some progress.
While I was working in the bedroom, I was playing Air1 Radio, a Christian radio on my phone. A son played that I felt like matched my situation, "While you are feeling pressure, God is creating a diamond." Oh, how correct. I loved that. I'm going to have to find it on Google Play.
Now, time for supper, I put a freezer meal in late this morning, pepper steak. I am going to serve it over mashed potatoes, which I've got to get pealed and start cooking.
My plans for after supper, read "The Help". I watched the mini-series "Roots" this week. Wow! I forgot how wonderful it was. I want to read that book, but I know I'll never get through it in the summer, which is the only time I've got to do some reading for fun.
Tomorrow we may have plans to go to Illinois to Fort De Chartres. I love that place. It is the Spring Fort weekend. If the roads are not flooded, we will probably go. If the roads are flooded, then we'll just find something else to do for the day. We have been home about every day this week, except for Thursday, but we done what we had to to do and came home. We really don't get out much.
End of another week
Do you know the feeling of when you have been overwhelmed by emotions for so long and then all of the sudden things look and feel like that they are starting to be put all together? It seems that all of the organized chaos that I have been under for so long is beginning to to come together for the good. There is light! I am a persistent character. I don't give up on what I think I want, nor do I want to live in torment. Even though I am starting to feel anxiety and depression start to leave me, I feel like I still need to have my guard up, to protect me, to be prepared for when it starts to crumble back at me. I do fully rely on God, the one true God. I know that he will not leave me, even though I may feel like I am by myself, but then I realize that Satan is trying to get ahold of me.
OH, the work of Satan is often mis understood. When life starts getting good, you had better get your guard up against him. He knows your weakness and will pry until he gets you. Yes, I believe in the work of Satan. There is the Lord God, and the counterpart of God is Satan. Satan presents what you may want, what looks appealing to you, and make it appear that it is from God. Funny how people falls for this. I have done it many times. I have looked for help in the wrong places, seeing what was presented to me for help, thinking it was from God, when knowingly it was from Satan trying to destroy me, my family and my work. One sad fact is that I know what God says, I pray and try to follow His laws, I just didn't want to see what was happening, I was falling into Satan's plans.
Sometimes I felt like Job. Satan made a deal with God about Job. Satan thought that if he could take everything away from Job, he would turn away from God and live for Satan. Job lost all of his family, his sons, daughters, wives, home, livelihood and friends. He never lost his sight on God. He never turned his back. Of course he questioned on why, but who wouldn't? In the end of it all, Job prospered even more with bigger and better family, friends, and more riches. God blessed him even better. God rewarded him for not turning away. God presented positive reinforcement (that is a behavior analysis term).
The Lord God gives us behavior modifications to change our behaviors, he presents us with aversive reinforcement to change. However we have free will, and it is up to us to accept those changes. If we do not accept God's path for us, we will be physically and emotionally tormented through the work of Satan. It is important to know what God says to us, to know the truth. Even with knowing, Satan has the ability to make it seem like it is from God. By looking back, I can see where and how it all started, with a little bit here and there until the little pick in the rock became a large hole.
By following the path of God, even though there are going to be trials, and some uncomfortable moments, due to Satan trying to pick and lead you off of the path, you will have the strength and guidance to follow.
Think of it like this. If you was going for a hike in the woods, you are going to follow a path that is probably been worn down by other hikers. You may have a flashlight, a walking stick, your hiking boots, or some other protective foot protection, some water and maybe some snack foods. You are going to be prepared for the duration of what you planed for your hike. Along this hike you take in the sights, the sounds, the smells, the sensations of what you may walk upon. When you are tired, you will stop, take a drink of water, maybe a snack and continue on.
Now let's look at what may happen if you go out and not be prepared. You have no water, no food, no flashlight, improper shoes. You will not go far, or may not even go at all. You will find excuses as to why not to go. You will be missing out on the peacefulness, the sights, the amazement what is out there.
Where am I going with this? Well, the way I see it is that knowing God's word, by having faith, having those talks with him, he will prepare you for what he has in store for you. As I type this, I remind myself how I have to get out of my comfort zone and do more walking and talking with him. You know the adage, of practice what you preach. God prepares us for what lies ahead.
Not knowing, or refusing to look for him for the answers and for help, Satan gives us excuses, doubts, and the false sense of security in where we are not prepared for. We will find a sink hole along our hike and fall flat on our faces.
Ok,now that I have this down, it is time for me to get my day going. I've done my daily devotion, about being prepared for His return and in 2 Timothy 4, the scripture is about knowing false prophets and being prepared for HIs return.
When I am having a bad moment and I turn everything to Him, I envision Him taking his hands, hold them up and saying casually, "I got this". Of course He does. He has this before I gave it to Him.
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